"Closure", Day 3

This role is getting hard for me, or is it easy? The first two days I didn't add enough intensity to Ethan - it didn't feel real, as I had never had someone I cared about THAT MUCH die before. During the read through it was like everyone was staring at me and shaking their heads. The director wasn't pleased with the choices that I made and told me to work on it some more. I hated that, I couldn't accept that. So I spent the last 24 hours digging deep into Ethan's objectives, finding substitutions for the other characters, and crossing them with emotions via Chubbuck's method. And after all that, I found what I needed through songs. Now.. it's a beast. I'm in his shoes. I feel his struggle. And doing my mini-rehearsal today left people jaw dropped. That felt good. I felt so good about that.

However, calling on these images and feelings inside me is taxing. I didn't intend to do things this way, however I think it's probably best in order to bring out the raw emotion of the character. I just don't know how many times I can do it - both as me handling it, and as it appearing real. At some point this raw feeling may dry up, so I don't want to call on it too much during rehearsal. I also have been having those dreams again (like Ethan, Ha), and it's making my mornings a mess. I guess I should be happy about that, as this could be my best role yet. I just hate missing my past when there's so much happening in the present.

I don't know if we'll be able to record this in time, or if it's going to feel too rushed. The full rehearsals begin tomorrow and will happen everyday until Sunday. However, the hard copy of the final product needs to be turned in within the next two weeks. I'd love to have this thing go to Spring Flicks, as it then opens the film up to some of the other film festivals, which means more IMDB credit - Yay! It also means exposure at UNLV, so I may pick up a few projects in the fall from some of the new directors seeing me. Although even if I don't meet some new friends, I still have the sitcom to film in the fall as well as Spiro's feature length film. That thing is going to be a monster to work on. The longest film I've done so far was 17 pages. Spiro's? 109.

Time to walk and get some sun. I'm a pale mofo right now. Can't be albino for this film.